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this page copyright
www.Griefworks.com LossLines LossLines II: how to do a lossline LossLines III: secondary losses Disclaimer: The information given here is not intended to
be a substitute for professional help. Please consult the appropriate
health professional if you are struggling with issues of grief and
loss. What is a Loss Line?
In North America we know all about
"getting"... everything is new and improved; bigger and better; and
completely updated! We have a rich and extensive vocabulary around
acquiring things. We know how to "get" rich, slimmer, educated, more
popular, property (no money down), a new body and so on. If we don't know,
there are hundreds of self-help books for guidance. We are quite practiced
at focusing on the future with an eye to how we will measure up in the
"made it" stakes. We strive and plan and work hard for savings, pensions,
top jobs, perfect partners, vacation homes, and we have the net worth
portfolios to prove it! When it comes to loss we are not so
articulate. Loss is socially unacceptable! How often have you had a
conversation with a good friend about losing your confidence, your
virility, your youth, your body integrity, energy, sense of purpose, etc.?
How many self-help books are on the best seller lists about loss and the
inevitable grief that accompanies these losses? (More than there were ten
years ago for sure, but still far behind in number and
content). Consider the many losses in your
life. The obvious ones, like the death of someone special, a close friend,
a trusted co-worker will not have gone unmarked. Smaller losses, but also
painful, might be sentimental items, those of historical significance,
personal property and so on. Some grief may be felt about these losses
because they represent irreplaceable items, just like a person's life. We
would count visible losses like homelessness, moving to another state,
downsizing, as significant, but what about the intangible and invisible
losses like security, community, stability? What about the little losses...
those largely unnoticed and unremarked losses of your life? Perhaps a
friend moved away in Kindergarten, never to be part of your life again.
Maybe you didn't get the coveted part in the school play. Were you a
sickly child, unable to join the others in their day to day play? Or, like
a woman in one of my workshops, who told of a lovely flowering tree
outside her bedroom window where she used to sit and do her homework ( and
her daydreaming). One day she came home to find the tree had been chopped
down! "I cried and cried, I never realized that I was grieving until
now. Who would grieve for a tree? Yet I felt bereft, as if someone
had taken something precious from me, and indeed they
had!" If we can have intense sorrow over
inanimate things like a tree, imagine how many little losses we have
endured over our lifetime? The first gray hair, the first time the
appraising look is for the other, younger person, going to college,
leaving home, getting married, having children, wrinkles... the list is
endless and yet we spend practically no time recognizing and mourning
these real losses. No wonder, then , when we have a cumulative lifetime of
little and not so little losses, (those myriad "little deaths") that when
we are hit by a serious, bigtime loss, we are
overwhelmed. This information is a personal
communication and is shared with you in the hope that it will prove
helpful. The information and statements made here are, however, subject to
copyright. Please include the origin of the pages if you plan to copy them
for your own use. Next time: how to complete your personal lossline. LossLines II: how to complete your lossline LossLines III: secondary losses email your comments, suggestions to : celiaryan@griefworks.com |
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