When "Happy New Year" Doesn't Feel Happy

The countdown. The fireworks. The cheers. For many, New Year's Eve is a celebration. But when you're carrying loss, it can feel like standing still while the world rushes past you.

You might find yourself thinking:

Another year they won't be part of.

Everyone's excited about the future, and I'm still stuck in the past.

How am I supposed to make resolutions when I can barely get through each day?

If any of this resonates, please know: there is no right way to feel at New Year. You don't have to be hopeful. You don't have to be ready. You just have to be honest with yourself about where you are.

The Pressure to "Move On"

New Year carries an unspoken pressure: to close the chapter, to leave the old behind, to become someone new. But grief doesn't work on a calendar.

Julia often reminds us:

Grief doesn't have a timeline. It doesn't care what date it is. The idea that a new year means you should be "over it" is one of the most painful misconceptions about loss.

The truth is, you carry them with you into every new year. Not as a weight to drag behind you, but as part of who you are now. The love doesn't stop because the calendar changes. And neither does the grief.

Honouring the Year That Was

Before the clock strikes midnight, you might find it helpful to pause and acknowledge what you've been through.

This past year held so much. The shock, the sadness, the impossible days you somehow got through anyway. The moments you didn't think you could survive — and yet here you are.

That's not nothing. That's everything.

Some people find it meaningful to:

Write a letter to the person they've lost, telling them about the year. Light a candle at midnight in their memory. Look through photos and let the tears come if they need to. Say their name out loud as the year turns — a quiet way of carrying them forward.

These aren't sad rituals. They're acts of love.

Carrying the Love Into the New Year

The question isn't how to leave them behind. It's how to carry them with you in a way that brings comfort rather than only pain.

Julia calls these touchstones — small, tangible ways to stay connected:

Wearing something of theirs on New Year's Day. Cooking their favourite meal in the first week of January. Visiting a place that mattered to both of you. Starting a tradition in their honour — something that keeps their memory alive in your life as it continues.

You don't have to "move on" from them. You get to move forward with them.

Gentle Intentions Instead of Resolutions

If the idea of New Year's resolutions feels impossible right now, try setting gentle intentions instead.

Not "I will exercise every day" but "I will try to move my body when I can."

Not "I will stop being sad" but "I will allow myself to feel whatever comes."

Not "I will get over this" but "I will be patient with myself as I heal."

Here are some intentions that honour both your grief and your wellbeing:

I will ask for help when I need it.

I will let myself rest without guilt.

I will find small moments of comfort, even on hard days.

I will remember that healing isn't linear — and that's okay.

You Made It Through This Year

Whatever this past year held for you — however many difficult days, sleepless nights, and moments of despair — you are still here.

That matters.

The fact that you're reading this means you survived another year of grief. That's not a small thing. That's courage, even when it doesn't feel like it.

You don't have to enter the new year with hope. You just have to enter it. One breath, one step, one day at a time.

If You Would Like More Support

The Grief Works Programme offers guidance for navigating significant dates and finding ways to carry your loved one forward.

Session 21: New Normal helps you understand what it means to rebuild your life around loss — not leaving them behind, but integrating them into who you're becoming.

Session 22: Continuing Relationships and Session 23: Staying Connected guide you in creating touchstones that keep the love alive.

Session 26: Managing Milestones offers practical tools for navigating significant dates like New Year, birthdays, and anniversaries.

You don't have to face this alone. And you don't have to have it figured out. Just take it one day at a time.

Wishing you gentleness as the year turns.