There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with grieving during celebrations.

The world seems to speed up just as you need it to slow down. Invitations arrive. People ask about your plans. The pressure to "be festive" builds, even though getting through a single day still feels like an enormous achievement.

For many, the anticipation of the holidays can actually feel harder than the days themselves.

Perhaps you recognise yourself in some of these thoughts:

I know what's coming and I'm dreading it.

Everyone expects me to be "over it" by now, but the holidays still bring it all back.

They want me there, but I can't pretend to be okay when I'm not.

This is my first Christmas without them and I don't even know how to begin.

If any of this sounds familiar, please know: you are not alone.

Two Truths Can Coexist

Julia often reminds us: you can honour your grief AND participate in life — but only in ways that feel authentic to you.

These aren't opposing forces you have to choose between. They're two truths that can exist simultaneously, though finding that balance is tender work.

The goal isn't to "get through" celebrations by gritting your teeth. It's to find what feels true for your grief while the rest of the world moves at its own pace.

How to Handle Waves in the Moment

Over the coming weeks, you might find yourself triggered unexpectedly. Hearing a particular song. Someone asking about your plans. Seeing a happy family.

When a wave of emotion hits, try this approach:

Name it: "This is grief. This is hard. I feel it in my chest."

Normalise it: "This is what grief does during the holidays. I'm not alone in this."

Let it move: Imagine it as a wave flowing in, then out. Not attacking you, just moving through you.

Some practical tools for the moment:

Step outside if you can — even for two minutes. Use a breathing exercise if you have one (you can do it anywhere, even a bathroom). And most importantly, give yourself permission to leave, to say no, to step away.

You don't have to power through every difficult moment. Permission to step away is permission to survive this season.

Preparing for the Weeks Ahead

The good news: you have more control than you might think over how you navigate this time. Here are some key starting points.

Communicate early

Don't wait until you're overwhelmed. Have conversations now with the people you might spend time with:

"I want you to know this season is really hard for me..."

"I'm not sure yet what I can manage, but I'll let you know..."

Whether this is your first or fifth holiday without them, people often don't understand unless you tell them. Their ignorance isn't intentional, but you do need to help them understand what you need.

Give yourself permission to opt out

You don't owe anyone your presence at celebrations. Some options others have chosen:

Not doing the traditional celebration this year. Going away for the holidays. Creating entirely new, smaller traditions.

Know your likely triggers

Think through the next few weeks. Where might the difficult moments be? Certain shops or areas you need to avoid? Social media that's painful to see? Dates that have special meaning?

Knowing your triggers means you can prepare. Shop online instead of facing crowded stores. Mute or unfollow social media temporarily. Mark difficult dates and plan something gentle for yourself.

Adjust your expectations

Whether this is your first holiday or you've done this several times, you might feel sad while others are happy (that's okay), need to cry unexpectedly (that's okay), or change your mind about what you can handle (that's okay).

Turn down the volume of your critical voice — the one saying you should be further along, should be coping better. You're doing the best you can.

If You Would Like More Support

The Grief Works Programme includes tools specifically designed for navigating difficult times like the holiday season.

Session 26: Managing Milestones walks through Julia's complete framework for preparing for significant dates — from anticipating what you'll need, to structuring your day, to finding comfort along the way.

Session 16: Making "No" a Positive can help you get clear on what you can genuinely handle before responding to invitations.

Session 19: Soothing and Relaxing offers breathing exercises and grounding practices you can use anywhere — even in a bathroom at a family gathering — when you need to steady yourself.

You don't have to face this season alone. And you don't have to do it perfectly. Just one day at a time.